2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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