conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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