I feel like I'm in dance class right now
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
