yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just forgot I was standing up.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
