I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
