His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
