I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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