I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
