ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
