he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
