I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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