That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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