oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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