She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I have fence marks all over my body
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
