so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
