oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
