Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
