Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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