You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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