And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
