dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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