You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
