oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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