sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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