She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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