Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
