who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
