why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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