Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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