About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he shaved USA in his pubs
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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