I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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