is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
