So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
