this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
