My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
