The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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