There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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