I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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