worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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