She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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