A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
