I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
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