If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
