Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
