he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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