I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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