this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
