first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
high people should be assigned attendants
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
