Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize