the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
