You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
