My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
