how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
