guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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