i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
