dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
