I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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