ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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