You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
