I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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