Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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