I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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