Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
