hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
