you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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