i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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