just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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