I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
