the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
