I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize