i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You need Xanax blowdarts
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
